Yesterday, the nation was blessed with a back and forth affair that had us on the edge of our seats in the biggest game on the biggest stage. No, not that big game. I am talking about the Puppy Bowl. The Puppy Bowl has been going on for 18 years now and is nothing short of electric. No matter what the final score is, the game is always captivating and it delivered yet again as Team Fluff got the win and evened the all time series against team Ruff.
This got me thinking – what would a starting lineup of dog breeds look like? Well, I’ve got you (and me) covered:
1. Weimaraner – Center Field
- It’s in the name. These puppies are born to run, and with a Weimaraner leading off AND patrolling infinite ground in Center Field, my team’s foundation is better than other team’s ceilings. Wanted to go with a little more muscle than a Greyhound so we didn’t end up with Billy Hamilton 2.0.
2. Australian Shepherd – Second Base
- Frequently overlooked cause they’re undersized, Aussies will make up for what they lack in size with heart. In constructing a lineup, I wanted the all important 2 spot in the lineup to go to the heart and soul hustle player, and an Australian Shepherd is just that.
3. Labrador Retriever – Third Base
- Some people want the shiniest, flashiest third baseman out there. Me? I’m sticking with ‘ol reliable. The most popular dog breed in the world, the Labrador Retriever just makes plays. The ultimate glue pup and team captain, the Lab is back in session.
4. German Shepherd – Right Field
- One of the most intimidating pups in the game, they’re also some of the smartest. German Shepherd batting cleanup already gives me the most fierce lineup in the league, and I’m not even halfway done. 50 homeruns a year minimum from this pup.
5. Doberman Pinscher – Left Field
- Continuing the theme of the most intimidating outfield ever assembled, the Doberman Pinscher is exactly the type of pup that not only can hit 30-40 bombs a year, but will also surprise you with elite defense as well. Fearless and loyal, the team chemistry is second to none.
6. Golden Retriever – First Base
- A staple of any great sports team, the Golden Retriever absolutely belongs in any starting lineup. What they may lack in agility or raw power compared to other breeds, they make up for plenty with their smarts and savvy nature. Plus, the defensive ability to retrieve any balls in the dirt.
7. Rottweiler – Designated Hitter
- Shoutout to the Universal DH, cause now I am able to add an all time great to my already unbeatable lineup. Rottweilers command respect, just like my team. The loyal guardian of the team, the Rottweiler will not let anything bad happen to the squad. Also, the designated hitter allows the Rottweiler and other players the ability to focus better on their other tasks within the game and is a great and long overdue rule change. See an actual photo of a Rottweiler swinging a bat below.
8. Bulldog – Catcher
- I mean, c’mon… They even looking like the starting catcher of an all dog baseball team. No brainer.
9. Border Collie – Shortstop
- A second lead-off guy that is a defensive whizz. The Border Collie plays elite defense en route to multiple platinum glove awards. Guess what? They can also swing the bat a little too, giving this lineup a total of absolutely zero weaknesses.
Starting Pitcher – Boxer
- When thinking of a starting pitcher, I wanted to get a dog. Not just a dog, but a DAWG. Let them ride and let them take over the game. And when I think of a puppy taking over, I immediately think Boxer. These bad boys are the most playful, high energy dog breeds out there. Easily a fan favorite and potential face of the league. Won’t ever quit and will always outlast you.
Manager – Schnauzer
- Literally only because their little beards make them appear wiser than they really are. My team has a script we’re following, the manager, like in baseball, is just a figurehead. But hey, the Schnauzer looks the part.
Plenty of honorable mentions and snubs, but I am confident my team will take down any other team out there. Please spay and neuter your pups and adopt, don’t shop!